


At Least I Have You

by fangirl_is_who_i_am



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast), The Infinite Noise - Lauren Shippen
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Football, Grounding, M/M, Panic Attacks, trans!caleb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 14:37:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirl_is_who_i_am/pseuds/fangirl_is_who_i_am
Summary: It's been a few weeks since the Safe House Incident, and our boys are trying to get back to normal.For Caleb, that includes football. But when things heat up and emotions are high, he might need a little help from his boyfriend to remember that he's ok.tw panic attack and reliving trauma!





	At Least I Have You

**Author's Note:**

> oh look. a new fandom for me! these boys will be the death of me.   
> this was meant to be fun and cute and for some reason the angsty part just happened.  
> i'm experimenting with present tense + enlglish isn't my first language, so hope it all makes sense!  
> thank you lizza for the encouragement ♥ this is for you!
> 
> again- tw panic attack and reliving trauma!!

Adam, being an _intellectual_ , has never really been interested in the barbarity that is football in the past. One might ask themselves why then, is he sitting in the stands during a game with such high stakes, a game to determine which team makes it to nationals. The reason behind the sudden interest is, of course, Adam's meathead of a boyfriend, who is currently running in the field below and has just earned his team a few more points.

Adam cheers the loudest, calling Caleb's name and moves to the edge of his seat to watch the final play of the game. The other team is leading by a couple of points but the score is tight, they still have a chance.

With only a second to spare, the other runner-back of the team scores a touchdown and wins them the game. Adam leaps out of his seat and joins the crowd in cheers. He picks up his messenger bag and starts walking to the field itself to congratulate Caleb in person. As he makes his way down the stairs, he catches Caleb's eyes and smiles at him proudly. Caleb, clearly still in euphoria from winning, grins right back before turning to listen to the captain's encouraging words, Adam figures.

When he gets closer though, Caleb's face suddenly changes. Adam looks to a farther part of the field, and sees a few member of the opposite team marching up towards Caleb and his teammates. They look furious, and shout about cheating and the supposedly unfairness of the game.

Adam quickens his pace, and reaches the field's entrance right when things get physical. One of the angry guys _launches_ himself at the winning team's captain, causing the other team members to start shouting and fight back.

He sees Caleb stumble back, his fists clenched, eyes shut tight, and breathing shallow. Adam is by his side in a second (he actually _runs_ ). At first, Caleb flinches, but he opens his eyes enough to see it's Adam's hand on his shoulder and he lets himself be led away as he closes them again. Adam tries to avoid the confrontation the best he can while a heavy jock mostly relies on him to get around, but one player bumps into him on his way to join the fight.

Caleb's eyes snap open and he's visibly shaking, the new people joining the fight not helping in the least. The group grows angrier and angrier and the shouts are drowning every other sound.

Adam balances himself quickly and tries pulling Caleb away harder.

"Come on, babe. Deep breathes." He is freaking out a little, but he knows he must be as calm as possible in order to help Caleb. He pulls him towards the edge of the field, away from both the players and the crowd.

Caleb half sits down, half falls to the grown when they reach the edge and pulls his knees up. He stays there with his head between in knees.

"It's okay. I'm here." Adam tries to be as comforting as possible, his hand hesitantly reaching to touch Caleb's back in order to stroke it gently. That's when he feels how badly Caleb is still shaking and hears the quiet sobs. "Breathe, Caleb. Please."

Adam starts to really worry from Caleb's lack of responses. He kneels down, tries to peel Caleb's hands from his hair and to lift his head up to his eye level. He manages, barely, but Caleb's eyes are shut tight again with wet streaks running down his cheeks.

"I- I didn't mean to-" Caleb starts between sobs, and Adam is taken aback. "You have to know I didn't mean to."

"Caleb, babe, you didn't do anything." Adam's brows furrow in confusion and concern. He looks around them, but there's nothing or no _one_ helpful in close range.

Caleb continues to mumble things like 'I didn't mean to' and 'what have I done?' between short fast gasps. Adam recognizes them as hyperventilation and starts panicking too, because this is definitely not good. It's only been a few weeks since the Damien incident, and Caleb was in much less control then he used to be before.

Adam knows he has to calm down so he doesn't make things worse, and he reminds himself he knows what to do. He has experience with dealing with panic attacks, so he knows what to say to help Caleb.

"We're in the football field at school. You're safe and I'm here with you." Adam sits down in front of him before he goes on. "Caleb, listen to my voice," he says gently but sternly, "please breathe with me. In-" he takes a big breathe himself- "two, three, four. Out-" he releases the air slowly- "two, three, four."

He continues the exercise for a few minutes and after a while, Caleb starts to adjust to his counting and breathes mostly in sync with him, aside from the occasional sharp inhales. The fact Adam also calms down alongside him must be helping, because Caleb's shoulders are now relaxed and his trembling lessens.

"Can you open your eyes for me?" Adam asks gently.

He receives a nod in return, but it takes full fifteen more seconds before Caleb actually does so. His eyes are red and puffy from crying for so long and Adam's heart breaks a little at the sight of the sadness reflecting from them. Caleb takes another sharp half breathe, half sob, but manages to follow Adam's lead again.

"I'm here with you, and you're safe." Adam repeats. "Think you can name five things you see around?" Again, a simple nod in response. Adam patiently waits for Caleb to talk and squeezes his hand reassuringly.

"Your-" another sharp breathe- "your bag. My hand-" he turns his head a little- "the stands, the fence." He looks at Adam now, who uses the hand not holding Caleb's to show four fingers in count for the items Caleb listed until now. "And you."

"Good." Adam smiles at him and squeezes his hand again. "Now, what are four things you can touch?"

Caleb closes his eyes for a few seconds before he answers quietly. "The wind- the wind on my face, your hand." Adam feels a burst of relief when Caleb squeezes his hand back. Caleb moves his other hand to his knee, "my knee pad-" then to the ground- "the grass."

"You're doing amazing, babe. Now try three things you hear."

This time Caleb is a little quicker to respond.  "Your breathing, coach yelling. My voice."

"Great. Now two things you can smell."

Caleb gives a little wet sniff before he replies, "I smell… popcorn and sweat." He makes a face at the latter.

"And one thing you taste."

With a sniffle and a little bit embarrassment he says, "tears."

"Okay, you did great, babe. You feel a little better?" Adam runs a hand over Caleb's arm to sooth him.

Caleb gives a small nod, his breathing still irregular and eyes still wet with tears. He sniffles again, and Adam takes this as his cue to dig in his bag and pull out half a roll of toilet paper he carries with him since that time he had a cold almost a month ago. He then also spots the reusable water bottle he has there, and internally thanks Caleb for being such a worried boyfriend and making sure Adam drinks enough water during long football games. The bottle is a gift Caleb gave him so he doesn't have the "plastic is murdering our planet" excuse as to why he isn't drinking enough water.

Caleb accepts the items gratefully, and blows his nose noisily. He's struggling with unscrewing the cap on the bottle because his hands are still shaking, so Adam takes it back and does it for him. Caleb looks more thankful than embarrassed by Adam's help and takes small sips of water.

"I'm so proud of you, love," says Adam. In the distance, he hears the fight breaks off, the coaches of both teams effectively separating them. He is relieved that at least the external trigger is mostly gone, so Caleb can focus on himself. "Tell me what you need."

"Stay with me," he says in a small voice.

In this moment, Adam is thankful Caleb is an empath, because the burst of love he feels for his boyfriend cannot be described with words.

"Will a hug be okay now?" He asks tentatively.

"Yes, please."

Adam crawls on the grass to sit behind Caleb and puts a leg on every side of him. He wraps his arms around Caleb's torso and lean his head on Caleb's shoulder (because that's the farthest he can reach on his tall boyfriend, even when he's hunched over). Caleb lets out a sigh and leans his back against Adam.

"I love you," says Adam.

"I love you, too."

Adam smiles and asks, "do you want to hear what Chase did in history today?"

He feels Caleb nods more than he sees it, and starts the tale, going in details about the boy who tried to sneak M&Ms to class and how Mr. Pierre was sure it was some sort of drug.

Caleb seems to appreciate the distraction, and Adam drags it as long as he can. After a few minutes there are no longer sudden sharp inhales from Caleb, his shoulders melt into Adam and he even lets out a soft chuckle at something Adam says.

Eventually, Caleb turns around, still mostly in Adam's embrace, and looks at him with a soft smile.

"Thank you. You really are the best."

He stretches his legs to one side, and Adam, getting the hint, folds one of his legs so they're now sitting across from each other. Caleb leans in and Adam accepts the kiss with tender care.

"How are you feeling now?" asks Adam after they pulled away.

"Tired. Drained." Caleb touches his forehead to Adam's and sighs again. "I wish things could just get back to normal."

"I know, babe. But to be honest I don't really think they ever were. Normal, that is."

Caleb smiles again, but his eyes remain sad. "Yeah," he says. Then his smile gets bigger. "At least I have you."

"Sap," Adam retorts, before their lips meet again.

By the time Caleb is ready to get up, it has been the bigger part of an hour since the fight broke out. There was no other person in sight; no players, no coaches, no cheerleaders and no audience. It looks like the pair of boys were far enough to be out of everyone's view, which makes sense considering Adam pulled them to the farthest edge before.

Caleb hands Adam the water bottle to put in his bag, and the latter picks it up.

"Ready?" Adam asks kindly.

"We need to leave at some point." Caleb shrugs.

Adam gets up first, and shakes his legs a little to wake them up. That gets a real laugh out of Caleb, who, Adam knows, loves to watch him struggle physically.

"Dork."

"Meathead."

They're both fond with their usual nicknames.

Caleb collects all the used tissues from the ground and uses the other (cleaner) hand to take the one Adam is offering. He gets up and he's a little wobbly himself, but Adam refrains from making fun of him for that. He wishes at this moment that he were taller so he could support his boyfriend better.

But Caleb simply wraps one arm around him and they start walking to the direction of the locker room. "I'm really lucky to have you, aren't I?"

"You really are." Is Adam initial joking response, but he then adds, "I'm the lucky one."

"Oh, don't you start." Caleb bumps into Adam's side affectionately as they keep on walking.

And so, the two boys start going back and forth between jokes and sappy statements, and Adam knows, as long as they have each other, they're going to be alright.

~fin

**Author's Note:**

> how do endings work? don't ask me.  
> does it show i don't know anything about football? or english? or how to help someone in the middle of a panic attack?  
> well i tried my best!  
> hope you enjoyed and that i helped you endure the waiting for the book a little, because let me tell you i'm figuratively dying here!  
> leave a comment to tell me what you think and if you found any mistakes!


End file.
